Mommy attachment

I never thought I would be "that" mom.  

You know the one.

The mom who can't let other people hold her baby.  The mom who can't stop thinking about her baby while she runs an errand down the street.

"Is he okay?  Did so-and-so feed him yet?  What if he's hungry?  Or bored?  Or tired?"

But I had to face it recently.

Stephen isn't sleeping very well.  He wakes up every couple of hours at night.  Not always because he's hungry.  Sometimes he just wants to be cuddled.  Of course, everyone recommended giving him cereal before bed to help him sleep through the night.  

I didn't think it would be a big deal.  And rationally, I know it's not.

But the first time I was preparing his bottle with breastmilk and cereal, my heart started dropping.  I realized that we weren't going to have "our time" for this meal.  Of course, at this point, my mind went into warped speed and I was seeing him eating solids, going off to school, etc.  It was ridiculous.  Like this one event meant that he was no longer going to need me.

Honestly, I cried.

That's right.  I cried about it.

What the hell?!

Motherhood has made me crazy.

My fitness routine

Some people have learned that I've lost all of my pregnancy weight.  

That's right.  

All of it.


And then some.  


I'm sorry.  It may seem like I'm bragging and I am.  I'm not sorry about the weight loss.  I'm sorry if I'm carrying pom poms in my hand and cheering myself on.

Actually, I'm not.

I've never been good about achieving fitness goals.  Seriously.  I've been "trying" to jog a mile for essentially the last ten years.  To no avail.  Mainly because I quit.  I make excuses.  And they are great excuses.


"Have you felt how hot it is outside?"


"The phone rang."


"The lochness monster is roaming the neighborhood again."


I'm not saying that I can jog a mile (yet but I'm closer than I've ever been).  But I've really stuck to working out and getting fit post pregnancy.  So what do I do?

• I try to go to the gym and get on the treadmill 3-5 times a week.  This morning, I figured out I could bring Stephen and leave him in his bouncer.  He's fine.
• I'm besties with Jillian Michaels.  Okay not really but I do part of her DVD "No More Trouble Zones" every day.

And my secret weapon?

I dance to Britney Spears.  

Britney.

Turtle Cheesecake

Here's how it started:

Eric: Can you make something bad this weekend?
Me: Sure.  Anything in particular?
Eric:  Something with chocolate, nuts, caramel maybe...
Me: Turtle Cheesecake?
Eric: We are like one mind.

Here's the recipe that I used for it: Turtle Cheesecake from "The Girl Who Ate Everything"

My secret adaptation?

Yup.  That's what the crust is made out of.  If you wish to attempt this, it took about one and a half sleeves of Oreos to make the crust.  One and a half...give or take.  There were a few that had to be eaten disposed of because they were tainted.


It was quite the success if I say so.

Quick

My quick thought for this week:

Make no apologies.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not that you shouldn't apologize if you spit on someone, bump into them, drop an anvil on their foot, etc.

Or that you shouldn't apologize if you hurt someone's feelings.

But I spent a large part of my life apologizing for who I was, changing who I was to suit someone else, and constantly trying to match the mold that continuously seemed to change the moment I set foot in it.

  But I don't want him to grow up and do the same thing.

So now, I commit to myself to no longer make apologies for who I am.

I'm quirky.

I'm terrible at completing projects but GREAT at starting them.

My books are my most prized possession so I'll probably grab them before I grab a photo.

I'm making myself learn to like foods in the hopes that Stephen will like them too.

I think my husband could walk on water if he tried.

There are very few people I dislike because I find that the majority of people have something about them that is likeable.

It's only recently that I've realized a cousin of mine and I have so much in common that it's astounding.

I have faith in God.  I believe in Him.  But I have had that faith shaken so much by men who claim to be leaders of His Word that I want very little to do with organized religion.

But I still have faith.

That's why I knew when I was wheeled into the OR that regardless of what happened, Stephen and I would be fine.

And that's just a little bit of me.

  

Work space

I have the sneaking suspicion that I need to develop a work space in the apartment.  


I think I've outgrown working on the couch.  After attempting to work on my letter of intent for grad school for two weeks and coming up with crap (seriously, it was dog shit on a page), Eric kicked me out and sent me to the library to work.  


45 minutes later and it was a bronze medal.  No, not gold but I can turn it in and be proud.  I would need about forty hours to devote to it to turn it into gold and I don't have that.

So, maybe I need to carve out a work space in our home.  However, the only two places that I think that is possible is either a) at our unused dining room table (don't tell my mom...she'll be upset to find out we aren't using it) or b) in my closet.  

You think I'm kidding about the closet?  

I'm not.

For your entertainment...

I mentioned in my previous post letting a friend spray paint me in red and white.  I figured since I opened that door, I'd let you guys in on how those pictures turned out.  So for your entertainment, here we go!

Playing in the elephant ears after all the paint had dried.

I think of this as my "Posiedon" pose.

The last two I added in because they were taken by the same friend and, to this day, are still two of my favorite pictures. 


All photographs taken by Jennifer Grainger.

A little dash...

The Shine Project is having a link up on random facts.  So here's my little dash of randomness:

• I could beat anyone in a game of Saved By the Bell trivia.  Try me.
• I presently have three books in the works.  Overachiever?
• I once allowed a friend to tease my hair out, spray it red, then spray my body white and take pictures of me.
• An ex of mine used to call me "pancake".
• I HATE WET PAPER!!

If you are new to my blog, thanks for stopping by!  I'd love to hear your comments and random tidbits about you! 

iPhone app!!

I love my iPhone.
I used to be annoyed with people who were addicted to their cells.
I was jealous.
Now, I'm one of them.
*gasp*
so of course, as soon as I learned of blogger's new iPhone app, I had to get it.

My life, as I know it, is over.

Almost there...

I'm wrapping up some last few things so that I can start focusing on the blog a little more. The two main things?
-grad school application
-book review for Psych Central
I'm hoping to have both of those completed by Saturday night.  That way, the changes and plans I have for the blog can become more of a focus for me.  I also have a book in the works that will be taking up some of my time and I'm STILL looking for a job.  In the meantime, here's a picture of Stephen and I at Boulder Falls.

Chocolate Banana Bread

I'm trying really hard to incorporate bananas into my diet.  I'm doing a lot better with tomatoes.  I can eat them in salads and uncooked in food without wanting to gag because it feels like a slug made it into my food.

We had several bananas that were edging beyond ideal ripeness.  I like to argue that bananas are never really ripe because to me, if something is ripe, it should taste good.  Bananas never taste good; therefore, they are never ripe.  Vis a vie bananas are a disgusting fruit spawned from the devil's tree.

Alright...even I have to admit that last statement is false and a complete fabrication.


Moving on...

Confession: the recipe calls for cooking oil.  Me?  I go Paula Deen on it and used butter.

So to cover the banana taste in the bread, I put chocolate into it.  Because chocolate 1) is delicious and 2) makes the world go round. 


The complete opposite of bananas.

 So this isn't the most healthy recipe on the block.  I figure this is the same as putting cheese on broccoli to get children (or Eric) accustomed to the taste.  A few weeks and my taste buds should be more accepting of bananas.  Now...the texture is a totally different issue.

A banana's texture is right up there with wet paper.  Gag-worthy.

Banana Bread recipe from Better Homes and Gardens cookbook.