Apparently, I have no shame when it comes to avoiding writing in the blog.
Because, to be honest, I am avoiding.
Why?
I struggle with the level of honesty to use on the blog and all of the questions that weigh into that decision. Why do I want to be so honest? How much should I share and at what point is it inappropriate or just word vomit? Why am I actually keeping this blog? What purpose do I want it to serve now? At one point, it was a journal of sorts to keep friends and family posted on what we are doing in Colorado. At times, it has served as a cooking adventure log or a craft log.
So, now where to?
I'm just going to ruminate on that thought a bit longer. In the meantime, here's a quick update on what's been going on:
- We bought a condo. We haven't closed yet but hopefully, we will be moving in about a month. In the interim, I'm shuffling through tons of paint chips.
- School started up again this morning.
- We traveled to Louisiana and Gulf Shores. Stephen had his first experience in the Gulf and he loved it! Yay!
- Still working towards learning more about being a personal historian.
Wow. It's been a while.
So, how are you?
...
Good good.
I'm sure you may be wondering where I've been. I'll give you a brief explanation and beg for your forgiveness.
In January, I started working towards my Master in Library and Information Science. If you've been through graduate school, you probably understand how time consuming this can be. On top of that, I'm still a stay at home mom and I've continued my freelancing work. You can say I've been fairly busy for the last six months.
I bet you're also wondering why I'm back.
In the last few months, it's come to my attention that I'm becoming hindered by anxiety and fear. I'm not thrilled about the fact that these emotions have taken such a stance in my life and I've decided to rectify that situation. Hence, the title of this post...the year of fear. That's what I'm dubbing the next year, July 2012-July 2013. Essentially, each month I will have an activity that will force me to face a fear or work towards training my mind to focus on the more positive and optimistic. I currently only have 7 things on the list. It's obviously a work in progress and the list may end up revised over the next few months as things get underway.
Here's what I have so far on the list and the reasoning behind it:
- Audition for a play/musical: I have stage fright. It's been something I've struggled with my entire life. BUT I LOVE BEING ON THE STAGE. That's in caps because it's so true. Typically, if I can get on the stage and just start whatever I'm doing, the fear dissipates. The problem is getting on the stage or spotlight.
- Eight Fold Path: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noble_Eightfold_Path Here's the link to wikipedia on it for those of you unfamiliar with the Eightfold Path. The goal of doing this is to help discipline my thoughts towards a more positive light rather than focusing on irrational fears.
- Karaoke: This plays a role in the stage fright issue. But it also has to do with insecurities of being laughed at. I used to be a pretty good singer and then pregnancy sort of destroyed my vocal chords. I'm planning on tackling this one when I am back home in Louisiana for Christmas.
- Frugal Month: I make a small amount on the side from freelance work. Guess where that money goes? Starbucks mostly. But also to books and clothes that I don't need. Which is completely ridiculous because I have a perfectly good coffee pot at home that I use almost every day. So how does this play into fear/insecurity? Basically, the month is to just get down to the basics and not spend money. I think that I attach a little bit of confidence to being able to buy things frivolously. Besides, WHO DOES NOT NEED TO SAVE MONEY ANYWAY?!
- Run/job outside 5 times a week: I hate working out in any fashion outside. Why? Because I'm POSITIVE everyone is looking at me. And not in a good way. However, I know that this is one of those fears that cannot be overcome without facing it directly. Gross right?
- Self-defense month: I'm super excited about doing this particular month. It'll be chock full of activities which is why it'll take place after the frugal month and later on in the year because I need to save some money for it. So far, the month includes kickboxing, martial arts, self-defense class, and a shooting range. I'm totally prepared to be a badass.
- Volunteer: I can't explain why volunteering scares me. It's not that I don't want to explain. I just can't figure out why it freaks me out. I've wanted to volunteer for many things over the last few years and I just cannot get over this fear of it. It's quite ridiculous and I tend to laugh and shake my head thinking about it.
I decided to resurrect the blog to track my thoughts/feelings/progress over the next year. I can't guarantee that I'll post every other day or even every week. But there will at least be a monthly update about the year. And as I figure out more things to tackle in my year of fear, I'll add them to the list.
So what are you afraid of?
"Habermas's ideal of unfettered communication is a natural fit for librarianship: By building diverse voices, perspectives, and arguments into our collections and services, we keep alive the means of realizing true democracy--by transcending our nation's historical shortcomings of exclusion and discrimination, and our profession's similar shortcomings, through the struggle to include censored works and underserved groups."
"Like education, our field has been called upon to play a so-called crucial role in bringing about the information society and the new economy, but without the public funding for that expanded economic mission."
"We are a society out of balance--tilted too much toward business and market solutions and too far from the ideals of a true public and a democratic society. Perhaps more disturbing is our unawareness of the historical fact that we as a society used to regard our public institutions differently and managed them with the goal in mind of furthering the public good. The new economic model of public philosophy has become both the reason and the method to reform and shape public policy for a generation now, directly shaping priorities that determine the spending for and mission of public cultural institutions."
"A private consulting firm suggested that the word "public" be dropped in describing schools because it 'has come to have negative connotations' with such entities as public libraries, public radio, and public assistance [...]. We should stand apart from--and even in opposition to--the shift to a democracy of consumers where the only voters are those who can afford the privilege."
"Our ideas about our profession and our institutions should be more expansive, more democratic, truer to our principles, and not merely limited to what is good for the economy."
All of these quotes are from the article "Staying Public: The Real Crisis in Librarianship" by John Buschman.
Yeah...Kitchen Play with Pork.
Oh the jokes Eric would make about that statement...
Here's how things went down a couple of days ago.
Eric (throwing something in the trash): I noticed you drank a Dr. Pepper today.
Me: What? No I didn't. [lie]
Eric: Oh so that's the can from the other day in the trash?
Me: ... No.
Eric: (laughing) oh okay.
Ten Minutes Later...
Eric: (coming out of the bedroom) Well since you had a Dr. Pepper earlier, I'm going to go get a Pepsi to drink with dinner.
Me: Ooo....will you please get me a Dr. Pepper too?
Eric: No. You had one earlier.
Me: No I didn't! Please get me one! I've been cooking and really need a Dr. Pepper to have with dinner.
Eric: No! You had one already.
[by this point he's walking out of the apartment and I run to the open door]
Me: (calling out to him as he walks out and down the corridor) Eric! Please! Come on ... Get me a Dr. Pepper ... Seriously? ... You aren't going to? ... POO HEAD!
That's right, ladies and gentlemen. I am that mature. I called out to my husband in our complex and called him a poo head.
Of course, he came back with a Dr. Pepper for me.
I should have know better.
Moving on to the topic at hand...
That evening, I was attempting an experiment. I am not HUGE on experimenting with food because I'm terrified of wasting it and messing it up. My experiment was with Pork Chops. Typically, I'd just cook them on the stove top in a pan. Nothing fancy. Simple. But I was inspired and decided to stuff them. So here's the recipe that I came up with:
Stuffed Pork Chops
2 boneless pork chops
3 tablespoons of rough chopped andouille
2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
6 mushrooms, chopped
2 green onions, finely chopped
3 tablespoons of pepperjack cheese, grated
2 tablespoons of bread crumbs
salt and pepper to taste
1 tablespoon of olive oil
toothpicks
1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
2. Place a pork chop between cling wrap and beat until about a quarter inch thin. I have a meat mallet but in the past, I've used a rolling pin when I was in a pinch. If your arms get too tired, just make sure that the meat is flexible enough to be rolled up.
3. In a bowl, mix the rest of the ingredients.
4. [NOTE: This step can be done one of two ways. I did each pork chop differently and found that each method just as easy as the other.]
Method 1: Roll the chop sort of like a cannoli so it's tube shaped. Push the toothpicks through so that they hold the chops together. Fill the pork tube (hehe) with the stuffing mix.
Method 2: Spoon the stuffing mix onto the chop. Roll the chop around the mix and push the toothpicks through to hold the chop together.
5. Place the chops in a baking dish and bake for roughly 20 minutes.
That's it! It's super easy (other than the beating meat part) and delicious! Plus, the stuffing is flexible. You want to add beans? Ok! Or squash? Or tomatoes? WHATEVER! Have fun with it!
I served mine with a white bearnaise sauce (you can see them simmering in the sauce in the picture above).
So I recently posted about making Ina Garten's Scalloped Tomatoes. However, I didn't take pictures of that. LUCKILY, we loved it so much that I made it AGAIN! Here is a picture of the second attempt.
I SWEAR THAT'S NOT OUT OF A MAGAZINE! Although, I'm sure you can tell with my dirty stovetop in the background. Doesn't that look scrumptious though? That's cause it is! And I'm not saying that because I made it.
