Thursday, July 5, 2012

The Year of Fear

Wow.  It's been a while.

So, how are you?


Good good.

I'm sure you may be wondering where I've been.  I'll give you a brief explanation and beg for your forgiveness. 

In January, I started working towards my Master in Library and Information Science.  If you've been through graduate school, you probably understand how time consuming this can be.  On top of that, I'm still a stay at home mom and I've continued my freelancing work.  You can say I've been fairly busy for the last six months.

I bet you're also wondering why I'm back.  

In the last few months, it's come to my attention that I'm becoming hindered by anxiety and fear.  I'm not thrilled about the fact that these emotions have taken such a stance in my life and I've decided to rectify that situation.  Hence, the title of this post...the year of fear.  That's what I'm dubbing the next year, July 2012-July 2013.  Essentially, each month I will have an activity that will force me to face a fear or work towards training my mind to focus on the more positive and optimistic.  I currently only have 7 things on the list.  It's obviously a work in progress and the list may end up revised over the next few months as things get underway.

Here's what I have so far on the list and the reasoning behind it:

  1. Audition for a play/musical: I have stage fright.  It's been something I've struggled with my entire life.  BUT I LOVE BEING ON THE STAGE.  That's in caps because it's so true.  Typically, if I can get on the stage and just start whatever I'm doing, the fear dissipates.  The problem is getting on the stage or spotlight.
  2. Eight Fold Path: Here's the link to wikipedia on it for those of you unfamiliar with the Eightfold Path.  The goal of doing this is to help discipline my thoughts towards a more positive light rather than focusing on irrational fears.
  3. Karaoke: This plays a role in the stage fright issue.  But it also has to do with insecurities of being laughed at.  I used to be a pretty good singer and then pregnancy sort of destroyed my vocal chords.  I'm planning on tackling this one when I am back home in Louisiana for Christmas.
  4. Frugal Month: I make a small amount on the side from freelance work.  Guess where that money goes?  Starbucks mostly.  But also to books and clothes that I don't need.  Which is completely ridiculous because I have a perfectly good coffee pot at home that I use almost every day.  So how does this play into fear/insecurity?  Basically, the month is to just get down to the basics and not spend money.  I think that I attach a little bit of confidence to being able to buy things frivolously.  Besides, WHO DOES NOT NEED TO SAVE MONEY ANYWAY?!
  5. Run/job outside 5 times a week: I hate working out in any fashion outside.  Why?  Because I'm POSITIVE everyone is looking at me.  And not in a good way.  However, I know that this is one of those fears that cannot be overcome without facing it directly.  Gross right?
  6. Self-defense month: I'm super excited about doing this particular month.  It'll be chock full of activities which is why it'll take place after the frugal month and later on in the year because I need to save some money for it.  So far, the month includes kickboxing, martial arts, self-defense class, and a shooting range.  I'm totally prepared to be a badass.
  7. Volunteer: I can't explain why volunteering scares me.  It's not that I don't want to explain.  I just can't figure out why it freaks me out.  I've wanted to volunteer for many things over the last few years and I just cannot get over this fear of it.  It's quite ridiculous and I tend to laugh and shake my head thinking about it.  

I decided to resurrect the blog to track my thoughts/feelings/progress over the next year.  I can't guarantee that I'll post every other day or even every week.  But there will at least be a monthly update about the year.  And as I figure out more things to tackle in my year of fear, I'll add them to the list.

So what are you afraid of?

1 comment:

  1. I'm quite sure that you will face your fears with great vigor, and triumph! Go Caroline! I look foreward(the most!) to seeing your name in lights(or a flier at a play), and becoming one of those girls that runs too. Good luck!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...